ANTM: America’s Next Top Vampire

Move your sparkly ass over, Robert Pattinson! There are some new bloodsucking bitches in this house, and they're taking the form of the contestants of America's Next Top Model. In this episode, the remaining ten girls posed for an "edgy" vampire-themed shoot. The photographer and Jay Manuel told them they all looked fabulous, even if the judges wound up ripping apart nearly all of their pictures.

Earlier in the episode, the ladies learned about improvisation with New York's Upright Citizen's Brigade. Then they headed to Times Square, where insanely beautiful Heroes actress Dania Ramirez challenged them to act their way through a Covergirl commercial. Ramirez later played the role of guest judge, proving that her opinion is probably more credible than André Leon Talley's.

Speaking of Talley, can someone please ban him from using the word "dreckitude"? It's the opposite of fetch, and he really needs to stop trying to make it happen. You can feel Nigel Barker's eyes rolling off his face every time the catchphrase makes an appearance. Seriously, their inter-panel tension is pretty incredible!

But I digress. Based on their performance this week, we've ranked the remaining contestants from one to nine (not including the model who was eliminated). Click through to check it out, and view previous rankings here, here, or here.

– Dewitt

To see this week's rankings, follow the JUMP:

AND NUMBER ONE THIS WEEK…

1. RAINA (LW – 5): Unlike the rest of the girls, who attempted to look "sexy" with the male model, Raina took the risk of telling a story with he picture. She's an angry bloodsucking bitch who just woke up, and somebody's neck is gonna get drained soon! For this alone, she deserved to have been chosen as best picture. Yet she wasn't. This was a huge mistake from the judges.

2. BRENDA (LW – 10): Hello, new haircut! Brenda's new look really brings her into new territory, and I hope she realizes how lucky she is to be graced with such a fantastic makeover. The judges didn't like the positioning of her legs in this shot, but she makes up for it with the hands and face. This is seriously some Spike and Drusilla shit. Total chemistry!

3. TATIANNA (LW – 6): Tatianna rocked the challenge in Times Square, simply by not acting like a smiling buffoon. I want to like her picture more than I do, but it doesn't seem like she's connecting with the camera or her partner. She also may have overdone the whole blood thing. Did she seriously lick her finger, or did I make that up entirely?

4. ALEXANDRA (LW – 1): I'm not sure why I've ranked Alexandra so highly. This picture isn't very good. On the other hand, it isn't very bad. There's something about her as a whole that just makes me root for her. Maybe I just have a thing for fatties? Kidding, kidding! 

5. ALASIA (LW – 4): Yes, this is a good picture. Yes, Alasia is one of the most entertaining contestants ANTM has seen in a long time. But damnit, I wish the judges would stop riding her dick so hard. You know if André Leon Talley showed this bitch to Anna Wintour, she'd be like, "Are you kidding me? This isn't fashion." And then she'd kill ten chinchillas with her bare hands and make a coat out of it.

6. JESSICA (LW – 3): Am I the only one who thinks this shot of Jessica looks kind of sassy? "Ooh, gurl! I can't believe this motherfucker killed me right before the shoe sale at T.J. Maxx. I'm about to dip his pretty ass in some holy water 'til he's more flaming than Clay Aiken. Oh, hold up! I got to pose sexy for the camera first."

7. ANGELEA (LW – 2): Angelea's awkwardness can be endearing. It can also just be awkward. As much as I'm starting to like her, it's becoming wildly clear that Angelea has no fucking clue what she's doing. But when she gets lucky and turns out a great shot? All is forgiven! This, unfortunately, wasn't one of those occasions.

8. KRISTA (LW – 9): This photograph is butt ugly, and don't try to tell me otherwise. When Krista worked this pose in the shoot, I thought it'd result in a good picture. This couldn't have been farther from the truth! She was supposed to be a sexy undead monster, but she just looks plain dead.

9. ANSLEE (LW – 8): Unless Anslee has another "crazy mother" flip-out, she's utterly worthless to me. Seriously, the only reason to keep her around would be for dramatic purposes. She's like Melrose from Cycle 7, except without the talent. And possibly crazier. One of my friends hated her enough to bust out the following words, "Someone seriously needs to put a stick of dynamite up her cooch and light it." A bit harsh, but…

GONE… SIMONE (LW – 7): Wow, Tyra made it painfully obvious that she wants Simone to continue modeling. Has she ever been so blatant about encouraging a loser to take test shots and pursue a career in the industry? Despite all her potential, this girl looked vacant in every one of her pictures so far. We were rooting for her to step it up, but we couldn't wait forever.