Well, this is certainly a topic change from gaping anuses! Blake Pruitt‘s short-film documentary 20GAYMALENYC premiered on The Advocate yesterday afternoon with the intentions to explore perspectives on stereotypes, internalized homophobia and gay-on-gay hatred between young men in New York City. The project stemmed from Pruitt hearing his friends say things like “I hate gay guys”. If you’re interested in hearing more background, you can read a more detailed description from Pruitt here.
While I will wholeheartedly admit there were moments in 20GAYMALENYC that made me cringe and weep for the “youth”, I’ve got to admire that these kids have the balls to be so open about their identities and how they see the world. When I was their age (all seven years ago), I could have related to their concerns… But now? I’m a grumpy old man who thinks it’s blatantly stereotypical for young dudes to rebel against stereotypes and complain about Lady Gaga.
– Dewitt
Click through to watch the short-film documentary 20MALEGAYNYC:
I was kind of relieved to see this video. I now know that I am not alone. I was never really into the gay scene nor have I ever had any close friendships with any gay people (no lack of effort though). I feel one hundred percent that I have been rejected from the gay community but completely accepted by the straight community. I had straight friends before I came out, and after I came out every single one of those friendships became much stronger. I have had the worst luck with the people who have been in my life who happened to be gay. They have all been very toxic to me personally, emotionally, and physically. I now have an unreasonable phobia about letting gay people (men and women) get to close because all I can think of was how battered and bruised the others have made me. I would never say anything like “I hate gay guys,” but I do say “I have yet to have a close friend who is gay.” I still feel like I am contributing to the community still because I am always trying to get involved with LGBT protests, marches, awareness events, etc. as much as I can and I am actually looking into make social activism my profession. I honestly think guys like the ones in this video do not “hate gay guys” they just don’t feel they fit into the established groups and I feel like guys like them (and me) should stick together and be our own section in the gay community. That’s what it comes down to, tolerance and inclusion for everyone, even if they do not like exactly the same things or enjoy the same activities. That is something I feel the gay community is lacking right now.
i sort of understand where these guys are coming from, but to me, they are getting one detail wrong. gay just means homosexual, and there is not just one gay community. people think there is, because one is much louder and more stereotypical than the others, but there are as many gay communities as there are gay people. i call myself gay and a part of the overall community not because i fit into the stereotypical part of it, but because i accept that each part has a place in the whole. i love that the drag queens are there not because i like drag queens and want to be their friends, but because everyone deserves a place in the world and i’m happy that they get to have theirs, and i will fight for their rights because that is what people do. like the old saying, first they came for the jews and i was silent because i was not a jew. then they came for (etc etc ) then they came for me and i was taken because there was no one left to speak up for me. we all have to stick together. thats what the overall community is for. we do not all have to be friends, and that is why the overall gay community is split into so many different groups, and the fact that you don’t fit into the group that everyone thinks of does not mean that you are any less a part of the gay community, or any less gay. sorry, that was a little rambly, but feel free to ask question or discuss below
They need to get out of the city. 20 is too young to be that jaded, and it’s probably just going to get worse.
Kudos to the lighting crew for really highlighting how insecure they are.
My impression from most of these young men is that they are still coming to terms with being gay and what it means to them. I’d have to qualify them as having internalized homophobia. I came out later in my life and when I professed my homosexuality I thought that all the work was done. At first, I made statements very similar to these men and it has been only in hindsight that i I’ve realized that while living openly as a gay man I was still homophobic. Having a certain embarrassment about not being a “real” man. It was fear of that perception that made me think less of the “stereotypical’ gay man as I didn’t want to be perceived that way. As I became more comfortable with myself and my sexuality those feelings lessened greatly. Now they are nonexistent. My other impression with the exception of Nico, was they are very unaware of who they are and what they put out there. It seemed to me that in describing others they were actually describing themselves and how they interact with other gay men. I was in a relationship with a man who is now 40 who came out as a teenager that has horrible impressions of the gay community because he hasn’t found much acceptance there. He continually thinks he is anomaly and so different than other gay men and that is why he is rejected. The truth is that his wanting to be different, i.e. special and superior keeps him from finding acceptance there. He is still unaware of himself. It’s what keeps him away from what he wants and makes him unhappy. Don’t get me wrong the gay community is not perfect and has a lot of work to do. We are comprised of men and women that have been afraid, shunned, made to feel less than. Sometimes violently by others but often silently at our own hands. Humans in general are complicated but with the added non acceptance of the populace at large it only makes us even more damaged. That is why there is such an overabundance of self-destructive behavior in the community. We do have more challenges to face as individuals in becoming complete and whole. Only after becoming more accepting of ourselves will our community become more tolerant of each other.
My impression from most of these young men is that they are still coming to terms with being gay and what it means to them. I’d have to qualify them as having internalized homophobia. I came out later in my life and when I professed my homosexuality I thought that all the work was done. At first, I made statements very similar to these men and it has been only in hindsight that i I’ve realized that while living openly as a gay man I was still homophobic. Having a certain embarrassment about not being a “real” man. It was fear of that perception that made me think less of the “stereotypical’ gay man as I didn’t want to be perceived that way. As I became more comfortable with myself and my sexuality those feelings lessened greatly. Now they are nonexistent. My other impression with the exception of Nico, was they are very unaware of who they are and what they put out there. It seemed to me that in describing others they were actually describing themselves and how they interact with other gay men. I was in a relationship with a man who is now 40 who came out as a teenager that has horrible impressions of the gay community because he hasn’t found much acceptance there. He continually thinks he is anomaly and so different than other gay men and that is why he is rejected. The truth is that his wanting to be different, i.e. special and superior keeps him from finding acceptance there. He is still unaware of himself. It’s what keeps him away from what he wants and makes him unhappy. Don’t get me wrong the gay community is not perfect and has a lot of work to do. We are comprised of men and women that have been afraid, shunned, made to feel less than. Sometimes violently by others but often silently at our own hands. Humans in general are complicated but with the added non acceptance of the populace at large it only makes us even more damaged. That is why there is such an overabundance of self-destructive behavior in the community. We do have more challenges to face as individuals in becoming complete and whole. Only after becoming more accepting of ourselves will our community become more tolerant of each other.
I feel somewhat similar to what PoliticalSuporterSocialPariah wrote. I’m 25 years old and have never felt like I’ve fit into any of the established gay groups or developed any close gay bonds (not for any lack of trying). Contrastingly, most of my friendships with straight individuals have strengthened since I came out.
Something that has discouraged me about the community at large is that a lot of guys say stuff like this one-on-one, but then act the opposite in group settings. It seems like everyone is struggling to fit in while maintaining their individuality, but they just end up attempting to one up each other. They claim that they want genuine and mature relationships, but after a shot of tequila they revert back to the very thing they say they don’t want to be. The guys I’ve encountered tend to breed their own drama while claiming they want something real…it’s a confusing, vicious cycle that I’ve never taken part of…so it’s left me feeling detached from the gay world.
:-).
there is no “gay community.”
only a “gay commonality” — that we are interested in seeking out and experiencing intimate relations with other males.
even among my own “peer” group i am an outsider..
..but what that really means is, i just haven’t been able to find other freaks like me.
that’s not a mark against me, but rather against the reality that we are a real minority.